As a child growing up in Topeka, Kansas, Megan Phelps-Roper was born into a family of devout Protestant Christians. Megan and her large family were notoriously known around the world for their work through Westboro Baptist Church. Established by her grandfather, Greg Phelps, in 1955, Westboro Baptist is most infamously known for its use of inflammatory hate speech, most notably against members of the LGBTQ community and U.S. soldiers killed in duty. From a young age the strong religious beliefs of Westboro Baptist were indoctrinated into her mind by her family. At just five years old, Megan began picketing less than a mile from her home in Gage Park, a park that her grandfather believed had become overrun with gay men cruising for sex. As Chen himself writes, “It was easy for Phelps-Roper to write things on Twitter that made other people cringe. She has been taught the church’s vision of God’s truth since birth”. However, as Megan grew up, she began to stray form the social norms of her friends in the Westboro community. About 18 years later, Megan was in the basement of her house for a church function when she checked her phone and saw that the famous actress Brittney Murphy had died at the age of 32. Instead of “reacting with glee, she felt an unexpected pang – not quite sadness, but something close – over her death.” Chen states. He continues to write, “She couldn’t bring herself to post a tweet thanking God for Murphy’s death”. Megan herself said “I felt like I would be such a jackass to go and post something like that”. Megan was once again stuck in another moral dilemma less than a year later when she found out about her mother’s infidelity. When confronted by the double standard between the treatment of her mother and their treatment towards gays, Megan concluded, “that Westboro was in the wrong. That was the first time I came to a place where I disagreed, I knew I disagreed, and I didn’t accept the answer they gave”. As the years went on Megan noticed that Westboro became more hierarchical and less biblical. Along with the growing seclusion and marginalization of women, Megan first considered leaving the Church on July 4, 2012, and by October had started secretly moving out joined by her sister Grace. As Megan herself explains, “It stopped feeling like this larger than-life-life divine institution ordained and led by God, and more like sniping and sordid activity of men who wanted to be in control”. Less than a month later, Grace and Megan had moved out, and began their difficult transition to a more ‘normal’ life.
As Megan Phelps-Roper expanded Westboro Baptist’s doctrine from their website to Twitter, their network and viewership grew exponentially. In 2009, after tweeting: “Thank God for AIDS! You won’t repent of your rebellion that brought His wrath on you in this incurable scourge, so expect more & worse! #red” she was met with harsh criticism from the likes of Kevin Smith and Rainn Wilson. She even gained more than a thousand followers on that one day alone, and as Chen writes, “used Twitter to offer a window into life in the church and giving it an air of accessibility.” Megan, who had done hundreds of interviews about Westboro, was exhilarated by the response and was motivated to continue her presence on Twitter. Chen writes, “the reaction on Twitter seemed more real than a quote in a newspaper.” Phelps-Roper agrees when she states, “It’s not just like ‘Yes, all these people are seeing it,’ “its’s proof that people are seeing it and reacting to it.” As Megan’s social media presence increased, so did the amount of interaction she had online with people outside of the Westboro community. And in February 2011, Megan began to have conversations with a user named @F_K_A, a man who five years later she would fall in love with and marry. When they first met online, this user only known as C.G. would constantly ask her questions about life in Westboro, and as Chen writes, “because he was curious instead of condemning, she kept answering them.” This less-aggressive communication style was likely a refreshing change from the hate Megan had become so numb to from her critics, and was perhaps less-aggressive even compared to the communication style within the Westboro community. They continued their dialogue on Twitter and on Words with Friends, and no more than a year later she dreamed of his embrace. As she awoke fighting back tears, she told him they couldn’t talk anymore and deleted him off every form of social media. According to Chen, “when she tried to throw herself back into the Westboro community, the atmosphere had changed while she was distracted by her relationship with C.G.” I believe that Phelps-Roper had been shown what decent people truly existed in the world beyond the Westboro community, and returning to reality gave her some perspective on what her family actually stood for, which ultimately influenced her drastic shift in personal belief. It is a strong example of confronting hate speech with empathy and understanding. Most people who hear about Westboro Baptist Church are quick to judge their beliefs and have no interest in learning more about them. When trying to combat hate speech many believe it is most effective and justified to attack the other person and their beliefs, when in fact, having a discussion where the tone is respectful and not demeaning is more constructive in allowing others to mutually respect and hear the message you are trying to convey to them. Furthermore, understanding that people can learn, and change is a necessary first step in allowing yourself to open your mind for forgiveness and redemption. It is a common prejudice that if somebody acts in a malevolent manner then they are fundamentally flawed, when in actuality people are always open to change and growth, even if it doesn’t seem that way at first.
It wasn’t until the age of twenty when I started to question my upbringing and foundation in faith, something that I thought was very dear to me. I’ve been attending Sunday services almost every week since the day I was born; I was baptized before I could walk; I owned my own bible before I could read. I’m a Christian, right? As I asked myself this central question, I wondered if what I believed in was true to me because I genuinely believed in it, or if it was because that is what I was told when I was young. Religious influence at a young age can be so critical in forming one’s ideological foundation and is a basis of belief that will likely stay with them for the rest of their life. What if I had grown up like Megan? Would the values of Westboro Baptist Church have molded my moral and ethical foundation? and would those ideas seem so innate and true to me still? If ever I was to meet her, I would ask her if she’s raising her daughter with faith in her life. In a tweet from this past March, Megan replied to a comment made about the Westboro congregation being ‘stupid’, saying, “They’re not stupid, though. Intelligence, unfortunately, is not sufficient protection against indoctrination. =(”. And later continued to say, “it’s easy to feel superior to people like Westboro members. Harder to recognize how lucky you are not to have been similarly indoctrinated—or if you’re like me, to have stumbled on a way out of it. It’s luck, not intelligence, that separates us.” In my view there is a misperception that most members of radical religious groups actively choose their belief system, when they’re instead born and raised to understand those decisions as wholly right by their family members. It is clear that Megan regrets having had religion forced upon her at a young age and considers herself to be “lucky” to have found her way out. But for somebody who has also had the opportunity to see religion as a beautiful symbol of peace, love, and overall goodness for humanity in recent years, would she be willing to introduce that side of religion into her daughter’s life? I would be very curious to know as I think her decision would resemble what she believes is the purpose religion has in somebody’s life: an excuse for hate, or a symbol love.
