I notice that I use an abundance of “Repeat yourself, but with a difference”, and “Repeat key terms and phrases”, throughout these two paragraphs. I think this is because in order to create a strong paragraph in an argumentative essay, it is important to continuously go back, and reference ideas presented in the thesis statement. For example, using terms like “virtual interactions”, “social media”, and “physical relationships”, helps tie ideas back into my overall argument of the essay. I think my biggest issue is certainly at the local level. I have a tendency to cram a lot into one sentence. I think if I was to use more transition terms, then I would be better equipped to break up those ideas into different sentences, but still have them flow as if they were all in the same thought/argument.
Although (transition: contrast) Chen argues that Megan Phelps-Roper was able to find meaningful relationships through online interaction (repeat key terms and phrases), Konnikova presents Dunbar’s physiological reasoning that proves virtual interaction (repeat yourself, but with a difference) cannot yet replace the profound nature of physical ones. According to Dunbar, people often underestimate the importance of touch in the social world. The ability to lightly touch, or even the use of body language, can communicate a deeper bond than through speaking alone, and can spark the sort of neurological and physiological response that, in turn, trigger endorphins that lead to bonding and friendship (Konnikova 258). Chen inadvertently exposes this (pointing word) truth when he informs the reader of Megan’s first physical interaction with Chad. When discussing Megan and Chad’s first date (pointing words), Chen says, “He put his arm around my waist at one point, and I just stood up so straight” (Chen 89). In making this comment (transition: cause and effect), Phelps-Roper is conceding to the argument that touch is an inimitable quality of physical relationships. Even (transition: example) when we think about the people whom we love most in this world, we all feel a natural longing to be around them, to see their face and embrace them. It is a common truth that those in-person interactions (repeat yourself, but with a difference) make relationships far more intimate, and no matter how profound a virtual connection (repeat key terms and phrases) may appear, without the element of touch, social media and virtual interactions (repeat key terms and phrases) cannot replicate the importance of physical relationships (repeat key terms and phrases).
Although (transition: contrast) “Unfollow”, is a convenient portrayal of somebody learning to understand and empathize (repeat key terms and phrases) with their community through the use of social media (repeat key terms and phrases), Konnikova instead (transition: contrast) argues that an insufficiency of physical interaction (repeat key terms and phrases) can interfere in the development of these (pointing words) social skills. Konnikova uses Dunbar’s scientific research to prove her viewpoint (pointing word) when she states, “We know that early childhood experience is crucial in developing those parts of the brain that are largely dedicated to social interaction, empathy, and other interpersonal concerns. Deprive a child of interaction and touch early on, and those areas won’t fully develop” (Konnikova 259). Konnikova is arguing that physical interaction at a young age is crucial in developing important social skills that will impact them for the rest of their lives (repeat yourself, but with a difference). This (pointing word) is also demonstrated in Nausicaa Renner’s piece in the New Yorker, “How Social Media Shapes Our Identity”, as Renner discusses the effect social media (repeat key terms and phrases) has had on the transition period for adolescents between childhood and adulthood known as a ‘psychosocial moratorium’. Renner states, “The moratorium is a period of trial and error that society allows adolescents, who are permitted to take risks without fear of consequence, in hopes that doing so will clarify a core self – a personal sense of what gives life meaning” (Renner 3). In other words (transition: elaboration, & repeat yourself, but with a difference), adolescents need to explore their passions, and make mistakes to learn from them. Renner and Konnikova’s point is that without physical interaction, there’s no forcing mechanism that makes us discover who we are; we fail to build a moral foundation and don’t know how to better empathize (repeat key terms and phrases), care for, and show love for other humans (repeat yourself, but with a difference). It should be universally agreed upon that all humans should strive to live their life in possession of these (pointing word) social qualities. And (addition) it is important to understand that many of these (pointing word) qualities are formed through physical interaction (Repeat key terms and phrases), especially at a young age. This (pointing word) is why I strongly believe that social media and virtual interactions cannot replicate the importance of physical ones (repeating key terms and phrases).
