Before
The qualities of close friendship that I value most are intangible qualities. Firstly, a good friend is somebody who is non-judgmental, and accepting of you. No matter the circumstances and similarities, a good friend must be accepting of your true self. You must be confident in being yourself around them, true to your genuine interests and hobbies. Similarly, the next quality of a good friend are shared values. Personally, I believe a good friend shares similar moral and ethical conviction. Somebody with a similar definition of respect, and acts similarly towards others. A good friend is also somebody who is trustworthy and dependable, somebody that can be reliable with secrets and sensitive matters. These qualities allow the relationships to grow and become more profound. The amalgamation of accepting and trustworthy is loyalty. In my eyes, loyalty is not constant allegiance and fidelity towards me, but instead somebody who is true to our friendship and has equal devotion to the relationship. Somebody with unwavering support no matter the peaks or troughs of my life. These qualities are in my opinion the most critical and foundational aspects in any good friendship. From these qualities grows love, humor, and the likeness of interpersonal qualities. In the closing paragraphs of the text, Konnikova argues: “early childhood experience is crucial in developing the parts of the brain that are largely dedicated to social interaction, empathy, and other interpersonal concerns”. She continues to write that humans are not born with full social awareness, and our ability to learn right from wrong by observing others and acting on our observations is undermined by too much virtual interaction. I agree, and would continue to argue that the effect on children who are raised to see virtual interactions as akin to physical ones may be harmful in the development of their interpersonal and social foundation.
After
The qualities of close friendship that I value most are intangible qualities: nonphysical qualities that allow the soul and mind of one another to interpersonally connect. Firstly, a good friend is somebody who is non-judgmental, and accepting of your true self. You must be confident in your ability to be yourself around them, true to your genuine interests and hobbies so that you may find an honest likeness in them. Similarly, the next quality of a good friend are shared values. Personally, I believe a good friend shares similar moral and ethical convictions; somebody with a similar definition of respect; and acts similarly towards others. It is important to find a friend with a similar moral compass as this will guide the both of you through many of the decisions you make throughout your lives, and will either keep you together or grow you apart from one another. A good friend is also somebody who is trustworthy and dependable. It is essential they can be reliable with secrets and sensitive matters that ultimately allow the relationships to grow and become more profound. In my opinion, the amalgamation of accepting and trustworthy is loyalty. To me, loyalty is not constant allegiance and fidelity towards me, but instead somebody who is true to our friendship and has equal devotion to the relationship. It is also important to have a friend with unwavering support no matter the peaks or troughs of my life so I know I can count on them to be there when I’m down and need it most. These qualities are in my opinion the most critical and foundational aspects in any good friendship. From these qualities grows love, humor, and the likeness of interpersonal qualities. In the closing paragraphs of the text, Konnikova argues: “early childhood experience is crucial in developing the parts of the brain that are largely dedicated to social interaction, empathy, and other interpersonal concerns”. She continues to write that humans are not born with full social awareness, and our ability to learn right from wrong by observing others and acting on our observations is undermined by too much virtual interaction. I agree with Konnikova, and would continue to argue that the effect on children who are raised to see virtual interactions as akin to physical ones may be harmful in the development of their interpersonal and social foundation.
Analysis
When first analyzing the paragraph, I knew the first sentenced lacked specificity. I said I valued ‘intangible qualities’ but didn’t say what that mean or why it was important. I decided to add a quick definition of intangible qualities that would act as an overarching idea that each of my qualities of friendship would try to fall under. I also thought the first point was repetitive and was nothing more than unnecessary clutter so I decided to completely delete most of the third sentence. I continued to add just a few words to the end of the following sentence to add some specificity by adding why it was important to find somebody with an honest likeness, which also helped bridge the gap to my next point. The next few sentences felt choppy, and much like a list. In my opinion this hurt the impression of a flow of ideas in the paragraph and made it hard to convey a strong argument. So I decided to make it into a list, allowing the true nature of the text to be expressed in its style. I added a point to explain why this was important with the goal of adding specifics to the friendship quality. The next sentence also felt repetitive. I re-phrased the beginning of the new sentence and combined it with the subsequent phrase which I thought clarified the point better. When noting loyalty, I changed and simplified the beginning of the three sentences to add my own voice, which I thought also clarified the sentences a bit better. In the third sentence about loyalty I added a few parts which I thought better explained the point I was trying to get across, and additionally added my own voice into the text. In all honestly, the ending through my eyes was already specific and concise. I didn’t add much other than re-submitting Konnikova’s name in the last sentence. The length of the overall paragraph remained pretty similar, but I through my eyes become clearer and had had a better impression of flow.
