Assignment for “The Limits of Friendship,” by Maria Konnikova (pp. 255-261, in Emerging, also linked on syllabus)
- Read and annotate the Konnikova piece, including the introduction beneath her name on p. 255, up until the “Notes” section. Notice and become familiar with the >TAGS: beneath her introduction. This will help you connect Emerging readings to larger themes for synthesis in your own work. As you read and annotate, consider the impact of social media on your own friendships, and friendships in general/on a more global scale. Mark up the text with your own thoughts, questions, connections, points of confusion, etc.
- Now read the piece a 2nd time. Mark passages where the author defines the Dunbar number and the rule of three. Then explain these two terms in your own words, referencing specific passages from Konnikova to support your response. Write your explanation of these terms as a paragraph or two in a Google Doc, to be shared with me upon completion of the entire assignment.
The Dunbar number is a collection of numbers that outline the cognitive limitations of social relationships that any one person can have. The numbers classify the quality of friendships from intimate to casual, and quantify the degrees of friendship based on physical size. The largest group is in the range of 100-200 people, referred to as ‘casual friends’. This circle of friends are people you could certainly put a name to their face, and you know well enough to see at a party or around other friends in this same circle. Each subsequent group of friends thereafter becomes more intimate, and is roughly a third the size of the previous circle. This is also known as the rule of three. The next group consists of 50 people, and is considered to be ‘close friends’. You would see these friends often, and perhaps be the type of people you would invite to a group dinner. Although they are close, they are not quite intimate friends. The next group down is the circle of fifteen: the close friends you confide in about most things and can turn to for sympathy. The smallest, and most intimate group, is again a third of the size with around five people. This is your best friend group. The people who are dearest to you, and you to them. The companions in this cohort are often family members. While the sizes of all of these groups are commonly stable throughout one’s life, their compositions are fluid and can change. In other words, the friends in a circle may change as do you, and your endeavors.
- What do you think makes a good friend? Write a cohesive paragraph (placed after the paragraph or paragraphs that answer part 2), detailing the qualities of close friendship you most value. Include your thoughts on Konnikova’s statement: “So what happens if you’re raised from a young age to see virtual interactions as akin to physical ones?” (p. 259)
The qualities of close friendship that I value most are intangible qualities. Firstly, a good friend is somebody who is non-judgmental, and accepting of you. No matter the circumstances and similarities, a good friend must be accepting of your true self. You must be confident in being yourself around them, true to your genuine interests and hobbies. Similarly, the next quality of a good friend are shared values. Personally, I believe a good friend shares similar moral and ethical conviction. Somebody with a similar definition of respect, and acts similarly towards others. A good friend is also somebody who is trustworthy and dependable, somebody that can be reliable with secrets and sensitive matters. These qualities allow the relationships to grow and become more profound. The amalgamation of accepting and trustworthy is loyalty. In my eyes, loyalty is not constant allegiance and fidelity towards me, but instead somebody who is true to our friendship and has equal devotion to the relationship. Somebody with unwavering support no matter the peaks or troughs of my life. These qualities are in my opinion the most critical and foundational aspects in any good friendship. From these qualities grows love, humor, and the likeness of interpersonal qualities. In the closing paragraphs of the text, Konnikova argues: “early childhood experience is crucial in developing the parts of the brain that are largely dedicated to social interaction, empathy, and other interpersonal concerns”. She continues to write that humans are not born with full social awareness, and our ability to learn right from wrong by observing others and acting on our observations is undermined by too much virtual interaction. I agree, and would continue to argue that the effect on children who are raised to see virtual interactions as akin to physical ones may be harmful in the development of their interpersonal and social foundation.
- Write one paragraph in which you argue that your social media and/or online connections will benefit your acclimation to academic and social life at UNE. In a following paragraph, make a case for how social media connections might negatively impact your acclimation. Be specific. Take note of which argument feels most authentic to you.
In today’s world, a strong social media presence and online connection can positively benefit one’s acclimation to academic and social life at UNE. As a Freshman living on a socially distanced campus, it can be especially difficult to meet classmates and feel connected within the UNE community. Social media can act as a stimulus by encouraging students to visually connect with peers and classmates while still adhering to school policy. With platforms like Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook etc., one can interact and stay connected with the UNE community. Although I personally do not have an Instagram account, close friends of mine have already detailed people following them and reaching out on social media. For reasons related to academics or otherwise, it also allows students to cast a wider social network in the UNE community which I believe to be an invaluable resource. Throughout orientation we constantly heard UNE’s self-asserted accreditation of being a large family. Being able to connect to our peers is an important aspect of school life that helps students feel a part of this family. I would continue to argue that stronger networking is also valuable for professional relationships as well. The ability to have a personal profile that can be more than words on a page is beyond beneficial, and especially relevant as students gear up for a life in a post-pandemic world.
There are also many negative impacts a comprehensive social media presence and online connection can have during one’s acclimation to academic and social life at UNE. First and foremost is of course the sensitive moments that are unexpectedly shared with thousands of people that otherwise would have been private. It only takes a few Instagram or Snapchat stories to taint somebody’s reputation. A distant mutual friend of mine was enjoying herself at a bar one evening, when a popular song came on. She sang along and articulated some words that were offensive and inappropriate for her to say. The person who filmed the short clip uploaded it to her Snapchat story and the fallout was swift and harsh. Her actions were of course wrong, but likely a drunken mistake that probably did not have genuinely maleficent derivatives, and one she wished could take back. This bridges to the next arguments that you really have no control over who views the content, and of course the timeless saying “once it’s up there, it’s there forever”. There is such a danger of exposing personal sides of yourself that were only meant to be shared with friends. Whether it’s a picture online, your location, or a personal profile, there really is no control over who views your content. Lastly, in the text Dunbar argues that the amount of social capital anybody has is “pretty fixed”. Those of us who exhaust too much energy scrolling through social media can hinder our ability to form personal relationships with others, and distant ourselves from real people. There is of course so much more to somebody than what meets the eye of an online presence that cannot be explored through a screen.
